So things took a wild turn yesterday. In the end it all wound up for the best, but OMG! I can't believe some of the fallout from the events of yesterday. I have to say that these are some pretty powerful signs. I can say with confidence that much of the negative events were long overdue and inevitable. They were needed to clear the way for better things.
The most unexpected and shocking event was that I had to sever communication with my mom. Our relationship has been strained at best since I was about 14. We've had good times and bad of course. But whenever the topic of money came up it always got tense. I'll admit that I've had to borrow money from her more times than I care to admit and still owe her a fair amount. And I again had to ask her for more because my financial situation was dire. In the past she has usually come through with something, and this time it was even more important. So after stringing me on for a couple of days she announced that she had the money, but she wouldn't give it to me. This is because it was in a CD and would cost her a fee to get it. The reason I needed the money was to keep from losing my house. I would have thought that her son keeping his house would be more important than a few bucks in fees.
While this is frustrating and stressful, the worst part is that this is only the most recent time it has happened. She won't come to visit me because it's cheaper to fly to my brother. And these examples go back all the way to when I was about 20. She offered me money for a down payment on a condo. After engaging a realtor, looking around and getting ready to make an offer, she changed her mind.
For a long time, I chose to believe that she really was trying to help, but was thinking with her heart instead of her head. But this time it was clear that she values her money more than her son. And I decided that I can't have that kind of relationship in my life anymore.
As fallout, my husband has had to ask his mom for money, which she cannot as easily spare. We are having to sell one of our cars, and make more sacrifices around that decision. We are pulling my youngest son out of daycare because we won't be able to transport him there. So I will have to work from home 2-3 days a week. Today my back and stomach are both in pain, and I'm sure it is in large part due to my nerves. I don't know what further fallout will come from my mother. But I am distancing myself from her drama.
In the end, we will be able to get the money needed to keep the house. And we are finding new ways to work toward our farm goal.
Through out all of what happened yesterday, and I only described it briefly here, I was able to remain confident in my belief that we would find a way. I knew that it would work out. And I am able to see some silver linings around the dark clouds.
What happened with my mom should have happened a long time ago. I never should have allowed the psychological abuse to go on for so long. In the past I have tried to stand up to her, to explain why I get upset with her. This time, I just told her off. I just said no more. And I meant it.
As for the car, the one we are selling is a 2002 Suburban. It is a large car with bad gas mileage. In the next few months we will be able to replace, as I am expecting a very large check to come soon. Although I was recently told it could still be up to 90 days before the money is sent. But when we do replace it, we will be able to get something newer with fewer miles on it. And smaller with better fuel efficiency.
I don't know how these events will change the relationship between my husband and his mom, and that is the part I am most worried about. I don't know how long it may take for it to get back to where it was before.
No comments:
Post a Comment