Day 11: I skipped the weekend

What I’m grateful for:

1. That I’m not having surgery for my back, that physical therapy should be able to cure my back pain.
2. That I have a flexible job that lets me adjust my work situation to accommodate my personal needs
3. To have a car for each of the drivers in our house, so we never have to share, or take turns.  We can always just go when we need/want to.
4. That we have a plan to get out of the financial situation we are in.
5. That we have insurance to be able to afford the medical care we need.
6. For crisp spring mornings when the air smells clean and fragrant and the sound of birds singing fills the air as the sun begins to rise earlier and warm the world with golden light
7. For high speed internet access that allows me to work from home efficiently
8. For the look for pure joy on my children’s faces at receiving even the smallest of gifts.
9. For warm freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven, still soft and gooey to the touch, with a tall glass of ice cold milk.
10. For every day that I’m able to come up with 10 things to be grateful for.

My Vision:

The last time I worked on this, I struggled to get much detail about my vision.  I realized part of that was that the vision that I “share” with Donny isn’t exactly shared.  I want it to be bigger and wealthier than we talk about.  There are also many components of my vision that are not part of his, and vice versa.  And I have been trying to focus more on his vision than mine. 

So I’m working on letting go of my inhibitions and reservations.  I’m working on expressing my dream the way I want it to be. 

I want to have a job that allows me to be creative and artistic, that allows me to work outside of an office and away from fluorescent lights.  When I am in the office, I want it to be a small office with fewer employees, designed in a way that makes it feel very comfortable and homey, not sterile and corporate.  I want music to be heard throughout the office and plants and open design areas, with natural lighting for work.  I want to work on a laptop, on a MacBook.  I want my work to take me out of the office, to travel some.  I want to be able to work from home.  I see myself as an architect or photographer.  I want a job where I don’t have to worry about being open about being gay, where it is just accepted like any other fact about me.  I want to love my job.  I don’t want it to feel like work.  I want to marvel that I get paid for doing it. 

I want to contribute to social welfare.  I want to work with, or donate to charities that provide for those less fortunate.  I want to attend protests and marches for equal rights and animal rights.  I want to do something to help protect the environment.  I want to know that I am doing something to make a difference in this world.  I want to do what I can to leave my children a better world than what I have known.

I want to take my family on fabulous vacations to exotic destinations.  I want my younger boys to experience the thrill of flying in an airplane.  I want to take them swimming with dolphins, and with sharks.  I want to visit Europe.  I want to visit San Francisco and Napa Valley.  I want to take them horseback riding and camping and hiking.  I want to climb Machu Picchu with them.  I want to go camping in Yellowstone Park and see Mount Rushmore.  I want to see the Grand Canyon, and the Painted Desert.  I want to vacation at the ocean and where it’s warm.  I want to use up the time off I’m given, or better, be able to take working vacations where my family and I can visit wonderful sites and I can get paid for being there.  I want to visit New York City and Philadelphia and Washington DC.  I want my boys to be exposed to the world and choose, from experience where they want to be when they are older. 

I want to have enough money to pay for any and all of my children to go to college without getting into debt.  I want to pay off my debt and live comfortably on cash.  I want to always have a surplus of cash to pay for emergencies, and unexpected expenses.  I want to buy what I want, when I want it, without having to plan and save for it.  I want to buy as much food as I want and eat whatever I like, regardless of cost.  I want to drive as much as I want and not think about the cost of gas. 

I want to live in a large log cabin with enough room for my children and family to always have a place to stay when they visit.  I want a large master bath with multiple shower heads.  I want a Jacuzzi bathtub where I can stretch out and soak in hot water whenever I want to relax.  I want a huge great room, with lots of windows and vaulted ceilings and a fireplace.  I want to be able to stay in this home for the rest of my life.  I want a home that powered by solar and wind and heated with geothermal heating.  I want to collect and reuse rainwater and gray water for as much as we can.  I want our home to be energy efficient and environmentally friendly. 

I want a greenhouse and a garden where I can grow fresh herbs and vegetables.  I want tomatoes and basil and oregano, and carrots and lettuce, and broccoli, and cucumbers.  I want to learn about medicinal herbs and be able to grow and use them to naturally treat illnesses that occur in our home.  I want to make my own aromatherapy products from the plants that I grow. 

I want to be healthy.  I want to have the stamina and strength and endurance to achieve all my goals.  I want to complete a triathlon.  I want to play soccer with my boys.  I want to keep up with them all the time.  I want to sleep soundly through the night.  I want to stop taking medication. 

I want my family to always be close.  I want us to share everything with each other and never judge for any of the decisions we make.  I want my boys to achieve all their dreams and want for nothing.  I want them to know they are loved, and know they are cared for.  I want my children to always feel at home in my house, no matter how old they get or where they choose to live. 

I want a farm.  I want to raise bison and deer.  I want more than 100 acres of pasture land, and more than 50 head of bison.  I want to sell the meat at farmer’s markets, and online.  I want to sell the meat to organic grocers like Whole Foods.  I want to be able to provide for my family from the sale of the bison. 

I want to work through my resistance and fully embrace my dreams.  I want to realize my goals.  I want to end the cycles of the past and more forward into abundance, wealth, and health.