I spent time yesterday working to release my resistance to my vision and goals. And I started to feel calm. I feel confident. I know in my heart that things are changing. I know that we will have everything we desire.
Last night we watched "What Dreams May Come" and I marveled at how like the Law of Attraction it is. We paint our reality. Our thoughts are what's real. It was a great way to end the day. And for some reason I didn't get bogged down in the sadness of death and dying and losing loved ones. Instead I remained serene and peaceful. It was a great feeling. And one that I want to keep with me always.
This morning I woke up to the alarm and my first thought was that I didn't want to go into the office today. So I thought about my schedule and realized I didn't have to. And with all that is going on at home I realized it was better for me to stay home today. So I am working from home again. And then I lay in bed and thought about my life the way I want it. I thought about my house, my farm, my lifestyle and felt good about it.
Gone was the anxiety over how are we going to do this. Or worrying about "How can I dream about things like that when my life looks like this now?" I'm not saying those feelings won't come back from time to time. But I know that I want to hold onto the relaxed feelings that it will come. And that dreaming about this is the first step in making it happen.
I feel less tired this morning, even though I didn't get any more sleep than usual. But I must have slept better. And that means that something is working. I woke up in the middle of the night still, but I didn't start to panic. I didn't freak out about the unknowns in my life. I was able to just roll over and go back to sleep.
People for whom I am grateful:
1. Bella, my cocker spaniel. She came to me when I was in a bad relationship and needed a companion to get me through. She has stayed with me since and is very affectionate and playful.
2. My mom, without whom, I wouldn't be here to achieve these goals.
3. My dad, who I know is watching over me always.
4. Donny, my husband, my soulmate. I know that we are going to achieve all that we desire.
5. Eddie, my oldest son. He has such intelligence and works so hard. I know that he will find his path in life.
6. Esequiel, my next. He is so generous and compassionate. He always thinks about getting things for other and wants to make sure that everything is fair.
7. Marcus, my 6 year old. He is so inquisitive and soaks up knowledge like a sponge. He loves to dance and reminds me to dance more too.
8. Juan, my youngest. He is so cute and loving. He is a cuddler, but a solid little boy.
9. Jon, my brother. I know that I can trust him with anything. I know that he will never judge me and will always listen and help me solve any problem.
10. Bob Doyle. He teaches about the Law of Attraction. I first saw him speak in the movie, "The Secret" Something about what he said caught my ear. Since then, I have purchased one of his books, Follow Your Passion, Find Your Power. I have listened to some of his podcasts and have started using his techniques to make the Law of Attraction work for me.
My Vision:
More about my cash on hand. I have in the past struggled to have cash on hand. I have at one time or another received a large sum of money, as an inheritance, or cashing out a 401K. But I've always let that money dissipate quickly and sometimes didn't have anything to show for it. Other times I could point to a car, or a home improvement project and be grateful for the money that allowed that to come into my life.
I wasn't born into a lot of money. My family was a reasonably typical family with a moderate income. But when I was still very young, my father got a job working as a real estate attorney in the New York area. He started to make a lot of money. But it only lasted for a few years before he left his job. I've been told that he quit to spend more time with his family and that he was fired for having an affair. I will never know the truth. And it doesn't matter.
The point is that we only spent a few years living very well with a lot of income. We had 20-30 acres of land, a pool & hot tub, a tennis court, cattle & horses. We lived on an estate and had a sailboat and inflatable speed boat for water skiing. I spent a few years of my childhood knowing extreme wealth.
And whatever the external cause, I'm convinced the internal causes had to do with my parents attitude toward money. My tried to teach me to save every penny. My dad did a better job of teaching me to spend everything. By living his extravagant lifestyle showed me that its ok to go into debt to have "nice things". But they never taught me to spend wisely, or how to use credit.
And at 18 I could blame for the mistakes I made. But at 34 I can't anymore. I've lived long enough to learn how to manage money. I've been a bookkeeper and learned how to forecast cash flow. I can apply the techniques to a business or my personal expenses. But I don't enjoy it. It is work. It is cumbersome.
And so I envision a life where I don't have to manage every penny. Where I can easily afford to save more than I will ever need, and still be able to spend freely on the things I want and need. Now I make a decent living and even though I am the primary earner for a family of 6, we should not be in financial crisis. And yet we are. And we have been for a while.
Admittedly, this is not my dream job. And part of me wants to just walk out and follow my passion. But I have a responsibility to care for my family. Until recently I thought that meant I had to sacrifice my dreams to make enough money to care for them. Now I realize that I can keep my job and earn the living we need, while pursuing my passions. When my passions become profitable, I will be able to leave my job without feeling guilty or worrying about my family. If I were to quit today, I would feel guilt and worry, and not be free to follow my passion. But I know that day is coming.
And every day I work to find ways to do that. And I work on the feelings of anxiety that I have about work, about giving up my reliable job for one that is personally rewarding. And I try to walk away from worrying about my financial situation, knowing it is changing for the better. There is nothing I can do right now to improve my situation. I have done all that I can, and I must allow the Universe to work for me. To provide me with my desires.
Just writing about this gives me anxiety and there is resistance still to release. And I am releasing it a little at a time. So again, I look to my vision of having all the cash available that I need. I can go to local markets and buy fresh vegetables from local farmers. I can buy whole grain breads. I can buy filet mignon and tenderloin cuts of beef and bison. My boys can earn presents for doing well in school. We can take vacations as often as we like to whereever we want.
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